No One Gets Out Awake By Mark Madden
Posted by David Damage on Thursday, December 1, 2011
Under: Internet Columns
"No One Here Gets Out Awake" Written By Mark Madden:
IWC angst over John Morrison’s departure from WWE shows how low expectations have dropped in the world of sports entertainment.
Morrison’s an average talent. Decent worker. Can’t talk. Good-looking. Muddled character – an odd combination of Jim Morrison and Val Kilmer, an Oliver Stone-melded “Shaman of Sexy,” whatever that means. Morrison was only marginally involved when it came to anything memorable, and never tangibly drew dime one.
Yet his departure – Morrison got beaten out of the biz by another glorified mid-carder, and it was AWESOME, or so I’m told – is being regarded by some as akin to Shawn Michaels taking a break. If Morrison never comes back, it won’t matter. If Morrison had never wrestled, it wouldn’t have mattered. If Morrison goes to Impact, it definitely won’t matter.
Morrison will be perhaps best remembered as a guy who was put on a different troupe than his girlfriend, Melina, so she’d be free to bang Dave Bautista. Don’t think for one second it was any less calculated or sinister than that. Bautista nailed Melina, then bragged about it in a book. (So would I. I’d print up T-shirts and souvenir programs, too.)
You’ve got to be a TOP GUY to merit that kind of snatch. Morrison wasn’t. Batista was. Vince McMahon is the kind of pimp that rewards STATUS.
Morrison didn’t punch Bautista, or return his book late to the library, or dump Melina. When Morrison returns to wrestling, perhaps his character could be “The Cuckold.”
Pimp-daddy VKM wasn’t real impressed that Morrison didn’t deck Bautista, or Melina, or SOMEBODY. Morrison’s perceived cowardice is said to be one reason he never got the big shove from McMahon (as opposed to Melina getting the big shove from Bautista).
Morrison gave Trish Stratus the cold shoulder at the last WrestleMania, upset that Melina didn’t get that spot and accompanying payday. Melina’s backstage bitching soon got her a pink slip. Perhaps it was inevitable that Morrison would follow her through the exit.
Melina, standing by her man when she’s not kneeling in front of another one, twatted that Morrison deserves better. Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.
Strange irony: Melina is actually an excellent performer, one of the few women that really seems to GET the business. Good look, good timing – there’s a lot to like about Melina, as long as she shuts her mouth. Hyde to Jackie: “This works a lot better when you don’t talk.”
Anyway, Morrison’s done. For now. Who cares? Think the rating’s going to drop?
I watched as much of the Smackdown Christmas special as I could stomach. It’s still November, for God’s sake. Boy, is Mick Foley’s time up. When he was a big sack of wet cement that was willing to take crazy bumps, his nutty look served him well. Now that he relies on personality, he’s more reminiscent of somebody’s funny uncle.
Hulk Hogan says Garrett Bischoff has the magic. Stone Cold Steve Austin says WWE creative sucks. I know which one I believe. BTW, for Hogan to say, “I only hope [the magic] rubs off on some of the other numbskulls” is incredibly insulting to the Impact locker room. Is there even ONE WORKER THERE who has less going for him than Garrett Bischoff?
Besides Eric Young, I mean.
Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing wzmarkmadden@hotmail.com . FOLLOW MARK ON TWITTER: @MARKMADDENX.
IWC angst over John Morrison’s departure from WWE shows how low expectations have dropped in the world of sports entertainment.
Morrison’s an average talent. Decent worker. Can’t talk. Good-looking. Muddled character – an odd combination of Jim Morrison and Val Kilmer, an Oliver Stone-melded “Shaman of Sexy,” whatever that means. Morrison was only marginally involved when it came to anything memorable, and never tangibly drew dime one.
Yet his departure – Morrison got beaten out of the biz by another glorified mid-carder, and it was AWESOME, or so I’m told – is being regarded by some as akin to Shawn Michaels taking a break. If Morrison never comes back, it won’t matter. If Morrison had never wrestled, it wouldn’t have mattered. If Morrison goes to Impact, it definitely won’t matter.
Morrison will be perhaps best remembered as a guy who was put on a different troupe than his girlfriend, Melina, so she’d be free to bang Dave Bautista. Don’t think for one second it was any less calculated or sinister than that. Bautista nailed Melina, then bragged about it in a book. (So would I. I’d print up T-shirts and souvenir programs, too.)
You’ve got to be a TOP GUY to merit that kind of snatch. Morrison wasn’t. Batista was. Vince McMahon is the kind of pimp that rewards STATUS.
Morrison didn’t punch Bautista, or return his book late to the library, or dump Melina. When Morrison returns to wrestling, perhaps his character could be “The Cuckold.”
Pimp-daddy VKM wasn’t real impressed that Morrison didn’t deck Bautista, or Melina, or SOMEBODY. Morrison’s perceived cowardice is said to be one reason he never got the big shove from McMahon (as opposed to Melina getting the big shove from Bautista).
Morrison gave Trish Stratus the cold shoulder at the last WrestleMania, upset that Melina didn’t get that spot and accompanying payday. Melina’s backstage bitching soon got her a pink slip. Perhaps it was inevitable that Morrison would follow her through the exit.
Melina, standing by her man when she’s not kneeling in front of another one, twatted that Morrison deserves better. Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.
Strange irony: Melina is actually an excellent performer, one of the few women that really seems to GET the business. Good look, good timing – there’s a lot to like about Melina, as long as she shuts her mouth. Hyde to Jackie: “This works a lot better when you don’t talk.”
Anyway, Morrison’s done. For now. Who cares? Think the rating’s going to drop?
I watched as much of the Smackdown Christmas special as I could stomach. It’s still November, for God’s sake. Boy, is Mick Foley’s time up. When he was a big sack of wet cement that was willing to take crazy bumps, his nutty look served him well. Now that he relies on personality, he’s more reminiscent of somebody’s funny uncle.
Hulk Hogan says Garrett Bischoff has the magic. Stone Cold Steve Austin says WWE creative sucks. I know which one I believe. BTW, for Hogan to say, “I only hope [the magic] rubs off on some of the other numbskulls” is incredibly insulting to the Impact locker room. Is there even ONE WORKER THERE who has less going for him than Garrett Bischoff?
Besides Eric Young, I mean.
Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing wzmarkmadden@hotmail.com . FOLLOW MARK ON TWITTER: @MARKMADDENX.
In : Internet Columns